“I used to think being loved was the greatest thing to think about, but now I know love is never satisfied just thinking about it.” – Bob Goff (Love Does)
When I first met Morgan she really didn’t want much to do with me. I didn’t know who she was prior to us meeting, but she knew about me from years earlier when I had been less than mature to say the least. When I first asked her out she let me know that her opinion of me was (on a scale from her head to her toes) somewhere below her feet. Talk about an uphill battle.
When she eventually agreed to go out with me I figured this was my chance. I thought about taking the safe road and taking her out to coffee. Or maybe I could go even safer with a movie and hope that the not talking or looking at each other could pass for chemistry. Neither of those ideas sat well with me.
At the encouragement of a friend I had just finished reading Love Does by Bob Goff. It’s really a simple book. It doesn’t pretend to be scholarly or a theological masterpiece. Essentially, it’s a collection of stories from Bob’s life that taught him about who Jesus is and who He wants us to be as His people. You could probably read it cover to cover in a couple days without much trouble if you wanted to, but the simplicity that makes it easy to read is also what makes you want to take your time.
The book’s title sums up its contents very simply: “Love Does.” Every time I would mention the title my friend Emaurie would jokingly reply with “Love does what?” And as funny (or lame) as that joke is, I think that’s the point of the book. We spend much of our lives trying to figure out how to love God or people and often times we fail to do anything.
Love takes action.
It’s not worried about being embarrassed.
Love leaves it all on the playing field.
When I started reading it I was just getting over the most serious relationship I had been in yet. One of those relationships that feel like you put everything into and then not only does the rug get pulled out from under you, but there’s actually a trap door underneath the rug that you somehow fall into as well. At the same time, I was also (unknowingly) only a few weeks away from meeting the most amazing woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I love when God prepares us for things before we ever suspect they’re about to happen.
Fast forward to my dilemma about where to take Morgan (previously referred to as “the most amazing woman I’ve ever laid eyes on) on our first date. I remembered that she liked to ride bikes but didn’t have one of her own around here. I didn’t have any bikes either so I borrowed a couple from a friend and hid them down by a bike trail to surprise her with what I was sure would be the best first date ever.
When I picked Morgan up she told me that she was so tired from work that she almost just canceled the date.
Perfect, off to a great start already.
I think I thought that seeing bikes might get her excited and give her some energy so I stuck with the plan. We got down to the trail and I showed her the bikes and told her what the plan was: bike for an hour or so and then ride over to a pizza place down the street for dinner. She gave me a look that I’ve come to know and love:
Yea that’s not happening…
We ended up walking for 5 minutes before finding a bench and sitting down to talk for 20 minutes. After an awkward lull in the conversation I suggested we go get pizza hoping that would help.
It didn’t.
All in all “best date ever” lasted a little over an hour and ended with “I think I just want to go home and go to sleep (at 7:30 PM).”
I was surprised she agreed to a second date the next day… only to find out she just wanted to let me know she wasn’t interested in dating me. I had read Bob’s book though, so I wasn’t about to give up quite that easily. Something in her voice told me I still had a chance and I wasn’t about to miss it.
Over the next 5 months she told me no way three different times, and for some reason every time I knew it was only temporary and I got more and more bold in expressing how I felt about her. We started dating in October and this past Friday I asked Morgan to marry me, a little less than a year after the biggest fail of a first date.
You can ask Morgan and she’ll be sure to tell you that us being together has nothing to do with me being smooth. If it depended on that I would’ve been doomed. I said and did more awkward things than I care to mention. I made a fool of myself on more than one occasion. I didn’t do a lot of things right. But I showed her the real me, flaws and all, and I showed her that I loved her enough to do something about it regardless of how I looked.
This in no way makes me an expert on dating or relationships. Our relationship and the way I pursued Morgan was not and is not perfect. But this is what I’ve learned from reading Bob’s book and through this process:
I haven’t posted anything on this blog since September not so much because I didn’t have time but because I couldn’t get the perfect post put together. I’ve actually written several different posts through the fall, winter, and now into spring but never pulled the trigger on any of them. Some of them I never quite finished. Some of them I finished but just wasn’t in love with them so they’ve just sat on my desktop. Honestly, that can be incredibly frustrating. Writing is something I love to do but when I don’t do it well or don’t feel confident in what I’ve written, sometimes I just scrap it and start over.
I think we do this so often as Christians in our worship to the Lord. We are afraid to step out in faith because we’re waiting for things to be perfect before we do anything. We plan and plan and plan to reach into our communities as the Body of Christ and then muster only one or two events a year. Jesus didn’t wait for the perfect opportunity, He created opportunities. That is what walking in faith is all about. That is what love does.
Loving your wife (or anybody for that matter) is not about being perfect from the start but about doing things for her and in the process perfecting that love.
Loving God is the same way.
He doesn’t need your perfection. Jesus already covered that for us. He wants hearts that trust Him completely and lives that demonstrate that trust.
How are you loving God?
Does your love for Him motivate you to do something about it?
If not it might just be empty religion.
jeremy stone 